Been kinda down lately. Don't know exactly what it is. Not feeling "it"... whether it be running, studying, committing to all the committments for the reserve center, etc. etc. Not really eating all that well either - so that weight loss front has come to a screaching halt. Luckily I haven't put much weight back on, but I'm not going downhill with it either.
You know, I find it easy to come on here to all of you and tell you how I feel good about a run, or GREAT about one, or PR this, etc, but I wouldn't feel true to you all if I didn't tell you how crappy running has been for me lately. It's not something I'm not enjoying right now. In fact, I'll use David's exact words "Runnins' the devil". Blame it on many things, but that really doesn't matter. My mind and physical strength should be able to break through any barriers I can't control, be it the weather, wind, heat, etc. I hate excuses these days. It's MY fault I'm not running great. So, I need help. I've never been one of those people that is able to pick up anything and be great at it, and running is something I have to put effort into to really get anything out of. It doesn't come natural to me, like it does others.
I had a track workout to do Tuesday after work. I hit the track, thought I was thinking positively for my upcoming 5x800's. I did my warmup in the mid 8's, which I should have been a little slower on that. 1st 500 was at a decent pace.. Ok - on to #2 of the 5. I started off and about 400m into it, I slowed down and I could tell... I ended up with just a small % faster than my warmup. What's up with that? The negative feelings flooded my mind and it was completely downhill from there. I started into my 3rd, and half way through - I QUIT. I just stopped... I got my water and walked off the track, got in my car, and went home. I got home, David asks "How was it". I said "I'm a failure", and that's how I felt. How could I NOT do 3 more 800's? What is wrong with me? I can't tell you how disgusted I felt. And what's worse than that, is that I failed to get up the next morning and try it again. That's what I should have done, to proove it to myself. I didn't...
Yesterday was my usual swim at lunch. I didn't go, just didn't go - I didn't even leave work at all - stayed there, ate some kind of minimeal at my desk, and reserached car stuff. And, honestly I didn't feel that bad about it. David asked me "What are you doing for a workout today". I replied "nothing - don't feel like it"... and again, I didn't.
I knew I had to put a stop to this before It got really out of control - and I'm IN marathon training. I didn't do this in the beginning for my Half Training. Why now? I've been doing well on working out diligently. So, today was a 4 mile run - I did it at lunch in the heat, humidity, crazy... (Note to self - well worth getting up early AM to knock this out next week). I headed out, trying to stay positive thinking it's only 4 miles - Yet, it happened again... I ran down to the freeway and entered a loop, that I needed to do 4 times, then run home for it to be 4 miles. I ran it twice, then headed home. 4 miles turned into 3 miles and at a not so decent pace. So much for tempo. I can't call that my tempo for the week. Again - Failure.
At about 3:30 today, Robin and I got off the phone. I had been chatting to her about my feelings over the last few days - Thanks for listening!! When we hung up, I just got up from my desk and left. I decided to go for a swim. With the heat, I thought that this might be good, and I did skip it yesterday. I got there, and although lessons were going on, I did get my own lane, thankfully. I decided to change it up a bit, and do 100yd at a time, then rest for 20sec. It felt as though the yards flew by by breaking it down into 100's, and quite frankly I haven't been very good about doing 100yd at all without resting in between laps. So, PR on my 500yd swim, 13:16.
So, after that swim - I feel better, not great but better. I will be doing my long run on saturday and really looking forward to it and I already have it mapped out. I'll do the route that the hilly 5K was on, but in the middle of my 11 miles. I will be running the other hill though within that development, that's worse than the 5K one, so it will be challenging. I'm actually looking forward to it. I hope that this was just one of those weeks and I'll be back at it soon.
I'm home now, feel like veggin' out on the couch, but have some things to do to my car, and I think we may go grab some eatin's. Have a good evening, and thanks for letting me vent and be myself... and, ah, sorry so long-winded.
Beat the Heat 5K Race Report
7 years ago