Overwhelmed

My life has just become overwhelming lately.

To put it lightly.

I can’t explain it entirely, and as though I should see it as “I put myself in these positions” position, It doesn’t make it any easier. Our schedule really won’t be slowing down until October, and that’s as far out in my calendar as I’ve looked. When I started looking at each weekend, I had to stop at the end of Sept thinking that if I didn’t look any further, there wouldn’t be anything after that. That doesn’t mean it’s not booked after that either – I just refuse to say I have something major going on for the next 3 months every-single-weekend, and would rather say that I do for the next 6 wks, instead.

This weekend is the Greenville sprint tri, which I should be ecstatic about, but I’m not. I’m still indecisive as to what to do about it. I’ve taken all of your suggestions in, my husband, my friends, and even talked with super-speedy-swimmer-Pam yesterday about it at the Y, because although she’s on such a different and faster level than I, a running injury made her decide to give up her spot and volunteer. She just couldn’t see herself doing it and being entirely happy with her results. This is just a race, some may say – and I’m not into it so much to be actually competing. But, I enjoy it. That's MY time out there on the course and it’s the ONE thing I do for ME. I know this - and mostly because of you all (because I actually do listen to you, or I wouldn't seek out your advice), I am either walking the run or not doing it at all. I don't want to go into it knowing I'd have a DNF. I do know that I won't do anything more to set myself (my legs) back anymore. I have a Half-Mary in Dec. :-)

I had drill weekend this weekend, and it makes the week before, the weekend (of course) and the next week so tiresome for me. I’ve spent many times over my Naval career day-in-day-out for 3/4/even 5 weeks of working every single day in the field and to top it off - with no showers/bathrooms, sleeping in tents. So, this is cake, right? I mean it’s not that hard going into the Reserve Center, do some paperwork, do some courses online, boss some people around delegate, and even get in some workouts then actually go home for the evening. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I sat down with my Command Master Chief, whom I admire and respect. He is Mr. Navy more than anyone I’ve ever met in our service. We started talking about David and some things he needs to do to make the next rank (Senior Chief Petty Officer). We then talked about my career. The first thing that brought it up was him saying “I was highly disappointed that you didn’t make Chief this year, I just knew you had it. I knew I was going to pin anchors on you next month”. He wasn’t disappointed in my ability, it’s the board that decided I wasn’t worthy enough. I didn’t talk about this in my blog when I found out I wasn’t on that list I stalked day in-day out for weeks. It just hurt too much to the core. There are those in the service just doing their time, waiting for their retirement, to get that check, checking off boxes just to get by and there are those like me – wanting the next step in leadership so bad. Chief isn’t JUST the next rank either. There is such a jump in responsibility, respect, and leadership. Of course, then there are those that don’t care about making it and actually do get advanced. Master Chief and I talked a long time. I have a duty to serve my country, and I know I’m meant to put on those Khakis. I guess it wasn’t meant to be this year. I’m lucky and blessed that almost every Chief I’ve worked with in some way at that reserve center is behind me 100% trying to make me the best 1st class PO I can be, so I can be the next CPO. Master Chief gave me ideas of boxes to check out so I’m doing everything I can. I, along with a lot of others, thought that I had every box checked (i.e. leadership, collateral duties, volunteering, education, college, fitness, etc, etc). I guess I just need to work harder between now and Jan/Feb. He keeps telling me he Can’t retire until he pins me at my ceremony. He’s been in the Navy for over 30yrs. That’s an honor. I know that regardless of me making it or not, I'm going to do the best I can for my Navy. After watching a Senior Chief's retirement over the weekend, I just know that the day I retire - I hope it is as a Chief (or Senior, or Master).

This coming weekend, David will be volunteering at the kids tri on Saturday, and Grace and I are going to help as much as possible. I’m excited about seeing all these youngsters having fun, participating in their tri. Then Sunday is the tri and then we’re off to Party it up as Ashley’s with other tri peeps. That will be a blast!

Next weekend, I’ll be leaving on Thursday morning to go with the ladies in our family for our annual trip. This year we’re going to Savannah, GA. I love Savannah; so much charm, southernness (is that a word) and just the hospitality. We’re actually renting a house called “The Southern Belle” that is also right beside Forsyth Park. How bad is it of me to be looking for the routes around the park by cycling? Anyway, If I take my bike – I’m gonna have to drive separate. We’ll see. I’m excited and know that they will all have a great time being around Grace. We’re also going to be eating Paula Deens restaurant.

Weekend after that is our Virginia Beach trip for the Half (that I won’t be participating in). I received my corral info and bib number in the mail yesterday. It sort of bummed me out. But, I’ll be delighted to go and watch Chris come in shortly after the gun goes off (he's that fast), and for David to be a little behind him. We’re planning on having a great time! On Sunday (or Monday – depends on my duty for the reserves), they will drop me off at a car rental place for me to go to my temporarily home for 2 wks in Little Creek, VA. I’ll be staying there for my annual training (AT) with the reserves and am really looking forward to some quality training that will help me out immensely on my evaluation in Nov, and hopefully in turn, help me make Chief next cycle.

I’ll be driving back on a Friday, then maybe turn around and drive to Charleston, SC to spend the weekend with David and Grace. He will be starting a 1 week reserve duty down there on that Monday.

The weekend after that is drill again. Then, the weekend after that is David’s Half-Ironman in Greenwood. That will end the month of Sept. Like I said, I’m not even looking at October yet.

And, to top this all off – we are trying to get our place listed on the market, which includes moving stuff in storage, cleaning and showing the place. Then after it sells – we'll be moving into a temporarily place, and working with our builder on our plans.

I have deadlines at work that I have stuff I have to finish before I leave for my 2 wks. I honestly think I can finish them, but it may be in lieu of some long hrs.

Sorry to dump (some of) my thoughts all over this blog. I'm just having a rough time these days. There's so much going on in my head - just random thoughts. Stuff about friends, relationships, schedules, Grace, family, job, training, career, etc. etc.

Hope everyone else is having a great week.

Sun: Cycle 15.62 mi
Mon: Swim 1000 yds, Yoga